yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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