How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
