Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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