do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
