2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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