so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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