I looked at my own cervix.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
