I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
