He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
