my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
