I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
