Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
