my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
