If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
