he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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