WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
