guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
