Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
