got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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