Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
