its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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