I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she looked like the before picture.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
