so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
