It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
