Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
