ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
