just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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