I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
