I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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