Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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