i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
