The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
