the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
