i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
