i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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