So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
