trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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