Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
