I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
