I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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