Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
