So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
