I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
