I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Buhtt sex?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
