ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.

  Fav 7 1503 3213

  share tweet
  

• (646): View more from New York

  I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.

  (347): View more from New York

  And what brought this epiphany?

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later

  Fav 27 3701 916

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (773): View more from Illinois

  I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

  Fav 13 4204 1004

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

  Fav 29 10937 1626

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm

  Fav 13 3463 1447

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.

  Fav 4 4240 982

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (406): View more from Montana

  Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him

  Fav 2 1823 802

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?

  Fav 15 769 1896

  share tweet
  

• (661): View more from California

  I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.

  Fav 2 1660 845

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast

  Fav 6 822 540

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean

  Fav 2 1854 634

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (713): View more from Texas

  I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?

  Fav 2 433 652

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.

  Fav 0 67 11

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.

  Fav 0 37 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.

  Fav 0 41 21

  share tweet
  

Randomize