there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
