well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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