So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
