That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
