you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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