Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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