Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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