I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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