he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
