If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
